What should I have expected?

My 11-year-old son really let me down. I was very hurt by his nonactions. Does that make sense? Let me explain. Last night he had his music program at school. Most of the program was honoring the veterans (the program was held the day after Veteran's Day) and one song was truly touching. It was called American Tears and put a lot of people in tears. Not just the song, but the slide show that the students/teachers made to go with it. The pictures in the slide show were of family members (of the students and teachers) in the military past and present. Not one of those were submitted by my boy. I was hurt and saddened. He didn't bother to ask either one of us (my husband and I) if we had pictures of his new family's relatives that had been in the service. I know my dad was, my dad's father, my father-in-law. I had tears in my eyes not just because of the lyrics, but because my own child didn't come forth and ask about pictures. Maybe it's because he forgot. Maybe it's because he's adopted and didn't think about his new family's past. I really don't know.

Talking to kids about death

My cousin's husband died of a heart attack at the age of 50. I found out at work when my mom called and left a message on my voice mail while I was at lunch. She had said, "Call me as soon as you can." I called when I got back to my desk and she told me what had happened. So sad. I waited until I got home to tell my husband. He just didn't know what to say except that Keith was a fun guy and that he really enjoyed the time he spent with him.

At dinner, we say grace. We take turns saying something. Last night J started and he prayed that his team would win the last soccer game (tomorrow). I prayed for my cousin's family and for Jesus to open the door for Keith. Ok... here come the tears again. :( Anyway, Kent was next and he prayed also for Keith's family and then my youngest prayed for a yummy dinner.

During dinner, our conversation was about death and funerals and memorial services. Not your typical dinnertime talk, but it came up and we just kind of went with it. J was confused as to what a funeral was and what a memorial service was. K is only six, so we really had to talk in six-year-old language. I said that a funeral is where a dead person is put in a big box and the box is put in the ground. People stand around the box and say things and then dirt is pile up over the box. The box is buried in the ground. A memorial service is where there is no dead person, no body, no box. People come to remember the person and they can say things that they remember about that person. Kind of sounds too simple, but kids don't really understand if it's too hard.

My husband said that he wanted to be cremated. I said that at first I wanted my body to be buried, but then again, I didn't want worms crawling through my body. Cremation was probably a better plan, but where did I want my ashes? Certainly not in a little box to sit and gather dust on a mantle. Maybe to spread them down in California, a place I remember visiting as a child. My husband said, "Why not Arizona? That's where a lot of your family is." I said I just didn't know. He wants his ashes spread over the islands which are west of where we live.

Anyway, J had said that he went to a place (a building) once where all these dead people were. I looked at him and asked if he meant a mausoleum. He said he didn't know. He then asked what the area is called of a hospital that has all the dead people. I told him that was a morgue.

Meanwhile, my husband started getting gross in his explanation of something else and since it was dinner, I made him stop. We were eating chicken and he was talking about rotting flesh and stuff. Ewww!

Well, that's basically what we talked about at dinner and I don't know if it helped any, but at least we are very open and will talk about pretty much anything with the kids.

Quote for the day

I couldn't resist posting this which I saw on the parent-teacher organization's web site for my kids' school:

Children seldom misquote. In
fact, they usually repeat word
for word
what you shouldn't
have said.
- Author Unknown

"Why boys need parents"

I got this in an e-mail from my aunt. I don't know who wrote it, so I can't give proper credit. It is just too good to keep to myself.

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It
is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too
late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can't
walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response
time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.

A sissy girl

After dinner tonight, my youngest and I were sitting at the table playing a game - a homework assignment. He had a penny he had to flip and he had to write down if it was heads or tails. He was supposed to write a '1' if it landed on heads or tails. He decided to color in the box for 'tails' instead of writing a '1'. I gave him an eraser to use to erase the colored-in area and then write in a '1'. My fingers met with his and I noticed his nails were long AGAIN. I just clipped them! I asked him why his nails were long already and he said, "Because I'm a sissy girl." I laughed and laughed! My older son, who was sitting in the living room, burst out laughing also. Then my youngest, the one who said he was a sissy girl, said "I am a sissy girl who does the cha-cha." That is a line from the movie 'Bruce Almighty.' My boys LOVE that movie! Immediately after he had said all this, I just *had* to get online and blog it!

Soccer

Last night when my husband and oldest son (11) came home from soccer practice, my husband quietly told me that he will not attend any more practices or games since our son yelled at him and told him not to talk to him during practice. It made no sense to me, so I asked him to expand on that. Apparently my husband was encouraging J to kick and dribble the ball, but J took offense or something and got mad. J told his dad not to holler or yell (that's not what he was doing) at him during games and/or practice. My husband got mad and that was the end of it.

Now I'm stuck attending all the practices and all the games... without my husband. I go normally, but it's nice to have someone to watch with. I told J last night at bedtime how hurt his dad was about all this and that he should really think about what he is saying to his dad and to be respectful of him. I said that his dad really enjoyed the practices and the games, but now he doesn't want to go because he's afraid if he says something, J will get angry with him.

Kids are not little adults. They don't think like we do and don't understand when adults take what they say in a different way than intended. I explained this to my husband but he was just too angry to let it sink in.

I hope that with a couple days of a cooling-off period that this blows over.

The hoodie came back

Yes, my friends, the hoodie did come back just in time for that kid to go to scouts! He also remembered to bring home the one he wore and forgot in the classroom. Now we have all coats/hoodies accounted for. Just in time for the rains. A storm is a'brewin out on the coast and headed inland!

The missing hoodie

Apparently last Thursday my child took his green hoodie to school, took it off, left it on the playground, went back into his classroom, came home..... without it. Friday he was to find it and bring it home, but apparently the playground ladies found it in a puddle and it was all wet. They said he couldn't bring it home all wet, so he'd have to wait over the weekend.

I asked him about it yesterday, if he'd gone to find it, and he said the playground ladies wouldn't let him have it. Hmmm..... why would that be?? My husband thinks he's lying. He is six. He tends to fib. I told him if he didn't bring it home today (Tuesday) that he wouldn't be able to go to scouts on Wednesday. He LOVES scouts. I told him to tell his teacher that he needs to bring home the missing hoodie. We'll see what happens.

When mommy's sick, kids just don't care

I still find it hard to comprehend kids' thinking sometimes. I had a rotten cold and was homebound for three days. My youngest, 6, wanted to play at a friend's house on Saturday and unfortunately it was around dinnertime for the friend. My husband told our son that he couldn't play over there at the time. Apparently my son asked his dad if another friend could come over to our house to play and his dad said, "No, because your mother is sick." Our son came into the house crying, and he came over to me and I asked why he was crying. He said, "I can't go play anywhere and nobody can come here because you're sick. Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Oh dear! I told him he could play at someone's house the following day. He was just so upset and couldn't understand why no one could play at our house. I even tried to explain it to him and he was still sad.

Meanwhile, all weekend the kids tried to avoid doing their chores. They sat around watching t.v. or playing outside. I always encourage them to play outside, but of course I like them to do their chores first. Being sick, I really wasn't on top of my game. Finally, at almost the last moment (about an hour before dinner), I reminded them of their chores. They pouted, but they did them.

UGH! Kids.

Kids DO say the darndest things!

The temperatures have dropped here during the day and overnight, so we've put the woodstove in full swing, heating the house. At one point, the upstairs was so warm (almost 80 degrees!) that my husband said, "Wow, we could run around naked up here!" and my 11-year-old said, "That's disturbing. I'd run away for a week!" Ha ha! What a jokester! I laughed so hard I had to leave the room. And of course my husband was kidding.

Food likes/dislikes

Today I ate a Ding Dong. You remember those - Hostess makes them. I last had one as a kid, I'm sure. My husband bought some for our boys, and yesterday my youngest wanted one as a snack after school. I said, "Sure, but save me one because I never had any out of the last box." I gave him one and picked one to save for myself.

I brought it to work with me today and had it for my morning snack. It was actually 11 o'clock when I ate it. Sure, it was kind of tasty, but nothing like I imagined it would be. I thought it was going to be super moist and would melt in my mouth. This was not the case. It had kind of that fake-o artificial chocolate taste. And you know what? It gave me a stomachache!

After eating it, I recalled how I had eaten a Twinkie a few years back and it made me ill as well. Too much sugar and artificial everything. Those goodies that I ate as a kid - I cannot handle them anymore. They don't taste as good as I remember. I guess that's why they are geared towards kids. Adults know better and stay away!

Just because you wear a hoodie...

... that doesn't mean you have to wear the hood. My youngest son (6) always puts his hoodie on (a fleece jacket w/hood) and then immediately puts the hood over his head. It could be sunny out, but cold, and he'll put that on his head. No rain, no problem - put that hood over his head. I think he thinks that since it has a hood, it goes on his head. He does this with his regular jacket which has a hood. The hood goes on his head. Always. And with his jacket, when the hood is on his head, it makes him look bald because the rim of the hood is elasticized (stretchy) and is fitted quite closely around his face. Looks pretty silly. In all actuality, I think that coat is too small for him. Which leads to another topic entirely: Kids growing too quickly!

Back to school

The kids are back in school again. Sixth and first grade. So far, they are enjoying it. The older one, J, is in soccer this year. He loves it! His little bro has been to a couple of the practices and just can't understand why he can't run amok on the field with the bigger kids. Maybe next year.
The team's name right now is the Cheetahs. No one has thought of a better name, so it's the Cheetahs unless something else comes along. One of the other boys on the team said they could be the Cheetos - ha! I laughed! Good one! Then another boy said, "Let's be the Cheerios!" Silly sixth graders.

AVON calling!

Yes, you heard me. As if I didn't have a million other things to do, I became an AVON rep again. I sold AVON six years ago but quit when my husband became seriously ill. I decided to give it another whirl.

www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson

My kids can help me deliver products!

What am I? Chopped liver?

The boys came home from school yesterday and immediately asked for a snack. A cookie? I said they could have yogurt. I gave them yogurt. Things were fine until...

The oldest, 11, mentioned he was going outside to do chores and he asked his little brother to put firewood by the fireplace. That was the last of it (the conversation and any thought of doing chores) as they both started playing some made-up game. They were shooting each other with those foam-disk guns. They played loudly (while I was trying to do some reading for book discussion group) and I asked them to be quiet.

Thirty minutes or so later, their dad walked in and guess what? The oldest immediately put his shoes on and started doing chores! Ugh!!! I felt angry because why is it that when dad appears, the kids decide to finally do their chores??

Half a bag of chips?

My five-year-old came home from school the other day and asked his dad if he could have a small bag of chips. Dad said, "No, because you never eat all your dinner." Child said, "Half a bag?" Dad said, "Ok, half a bag." Dad handed over the bag. Child at the whole thing. Dad said, "You better eat all your dinner!" Child said, "I will." Child did eat all his dinner! He made it clear he was going to eat the entire thing. I think he wanted a cookie afterward, which brings me to another topic.

This same child always asks for some type of dessert after he finished his dinner. Last night it was, "Can I have a cookie now?" UGH! I flat out said, "No." He asked why and I told him it was because he is always expecting dessert. We don't have dessert on a regular basis. I'd rather he have a surprise dessert instead of expecting something every night.

Hungry? Or just wanting attention?

Apparently my little man (5) came home from school yesterday and asked his daddy for a snack. He said, "Can I have chips?" My hubby said, "No, you can't have chips. No snack for you because you never eat all your dinner after you've had a snack." My boy walked into his room with his head down and cried. He was crying in his room. Was this for attention or was he honestly hungry? No idea.

Hubby walked into the room and told him he could have grapes instead of chips and that boy's eyes lit up! He ate his snack. He even ate all his dinner!

Today when I get home, the boys will be coming off the bus and they'll most likely ask for a snack (the last time they would have eaten would be 11:30 or so, for lunch) and I'll happily reply, "Yes, you can have cherries or bananas," and if they ask for anything else, the answer will be NO.

I didn't really want to discuss adoption to my 5-year-old yet

He brought it up, not me. At dinner the other night, he mentioned remembering trick-or-treating when he was little (he's still little!) and that he remembers living with "an old lady and a lot of other kids" and boy, he doesn't know how right he is. He was thinking it was a dream, but we told him he did live with an elderly lady and other kids. I just didn't feel like this was a good time for him to start talking about his previous life as he is only 5 and most likely doesn't understand. He's still in a fantasy land at this age and can't distinguish between fact and fiction very well.

From the mouths of babes

One weekend morning recently, my children were making a mess of the throw blankets in the living room. I asked them to please fold the blankets and put them back on the couch. They complained, of course, and said it was too hard to fold big blankets.

A little bit later, my five-year-old son said, "I think we should have a day of quiet and no being loud and no t.v. and no blankets." Ha ha! Too funny!

Baby naming

I came across quite a funny website on naming infants. Thought I'd share it with you!

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

Be sure to read through all the different sections. The author is quite sarcastic, so be prepared!

No homework? Fifth grade?!?

My son never has homework. Every once in a while, he'll have a paper due in which he has to do some sort of research, but it usually doesn't take him long to do. He does his rough draft during class time and has nothing to bring home. Sometimes I feel as if I have no idea what he is doing in school. He forgets to bring anything home, even after his dad and I ask. We'll say, "Did you bring home your completed math work?" He'll say he forgot (conveniently). We'll ask if he brought home his agenda and he'll say he forgot. How about if we 'forget' that he likes to play on the computer or that he'd like to play with his friends? Let's see how well that goes over.

The chocolates in the box are not the same as on the key

Yes, that's right. Although this has nothing to do with kids, I thought I'd share it anyway. You know when you buy a good-sized box of chocolates, the underside of the lid (or a separate piece of paper) has the outline of the chocolates and which flavors are where? Well, there was a box of chocolates (this reminds me of Forrest Gump) at work and I checked for dark chocolates (this was a box of truffles in assorted flavors) and found what should have been a mocha truffle. "Oh wow!" I thought. "I should be in heaven with that flavor!" I don't eat a lot of chocolate - very rarely. I figured it would be a good time for chocolate and picked up that truffle. I took it to my desk and sat down, ready to savor that morsel. Oh, to my dismay, it was not mocha but some other flavor that I couldn't distinguish. I almost spit it out! I, however, did chew it and finish it, but I was quite saddened by the fact that the key to the chocolate was incorrect. Boo hoo.

Sharing a funny

I thought I'd share something I found funny from my 2006 calendar. It was one of those page-a-day things. This was for Thursday, August 24:

"A Sure Hit"

Someone on the Internet has come up with a great idea for a new Survivor TV show. It features six dads with four kids each, and all are stuck on an island for six weeks and forced to share only one car and one TV (which has no remote). Each kid has to play two sports and take one art or music class. With no access to fast food, each dad has to cook three meals a day plus do housework, correct all homework, do laundry, and attend PTA meetings. Kids vote the men off the island based on such criteria as lunches packed and clothes ironed. The last man on the island is crowned "Mother"--and gets to repeat the experience for eighteen more years.

Learn about adoption through books

I am posting a website that sells a lot of books about adoption, raising hurt children, etc. It is wonderful! They have a print catalog that you can request as well. The company is called Tapestry Books. I have ordered from them several times and highly recommend them.

Here is the link:

http://www.tapestrybooks.com/

Mom for the first time - in my 40s!

Most women start their families (having babies) when they are in their 20s. Not me. Things didn't work out that way. I started when I was in my early 40s. And I got instant kids - through adoption. My husband and I adopted our kids through the foster care system and that's how it was an instant four-person family. Oh, and 8 paws (we have dogs).

After being married 14 years and me not getting pregnant, it was time for less-drastic measures than tossing $30K to the wind (for medical procedures) - hubby and I signed with an adoption agency and got started on the homestudy process. We also had to get certified in CPR and had extensive training (parenting classes, HIV awareness, Hepatitis classes, etc.). We needed to be licensed foster parents in order to bring in children from the system that we possibly wanted to adopt.

To make a long story short, we brought in two kids and knew right from the start that they were home. There would never be any other placement for them except in our house. And after over 1 1/2 years of them being with us, we were able to finalize our adoption.

So here I am, 44, with two kids in grade school. A friend of mine from high school recently became a grandma! She's got teenagers and I've got little kids. My sister has teens and 20-ish-aged kids and I've got little kids. I wouldn't trade my littles for the world. They were meant to be with my hubby and I.