What should I have expected?

My 11-year-old son really let me down. I was very hurt by his nonactions. Does that make sense? Let me explain. Last night he had his music program at school. Most of the program was honoring the veterans (the program was held the day after Veteran's Day) and one song was truly touching. It was called American Tears and put a lot of people in tears. Not just the song, but the slide show that the students/teachers made to go with it. The pictures in the slide show were of family members (of the students and teachers) in the military past and present. Not one of those were submitted by my boy. I was hurt and saddened. He didn't bother to ask either one of us (my husband and I) if we had pictures of his new family's relatives that had been in the service. I know my dad was, my dad's father, my father-in-law. I had tears in my eyes not just because of the lyrics, but because my own child didn't come forth and ask about pictures. Maybe it's because he forgot. Maybe it's because he's adopted and didn't think about his new family's past. I really don't know.

Talking to kids about death

My cousin's husband died of a heart attack at the age of 50. I found out at work when my mom called and left a message on my voice mail while I was at lunch. She had said, "Call me as soon as you can." I called when I got back to my desk and she told me what had happened. So sad. I waited until I got home to tell my husband. He just didn't know what to say except that Keith was a fun guy and that he really enjoyed the time he spent with him.

At dinner, we say grace. We take turns saying something. Last night J started and he prayed that his team would win the last soccer game (tomorrow). I prayed for my cousin's family and for Jesus to open the door for Keith. Ok... here come the tears again. :( Anyway, Kent was next and he prayed also for Keith's family and then my youngest prayed for a yummy dinner.

During dinner, our conversation was about death and funerals and memorial services. Not your typical dinnertime talk, but it came up and we just kind of went with it. J was confused as to what a funeral was and what a memorial service was. K is only six, so we really had to talk in six-year-old language. I said that a funeral is where a dead person is put in a big box and the box is put in the ground. People stand around the box and say things and then dirt is pile up over the box. The box is buried in the ground. A memorial service is where there is no dead person, no body, no box. People come to remember the person and they can say things that they remember about that person. Kind of sounds too simple, but kids don't really understand if it's too hard.

My husband said that he wanted to be cremated. I said that at first I wanted my body to be buried, but then again, I didn't want worms crawling through my body. Cremation was probably a better plan, but where did I want my ashes? Certainly not in a little box to sit and gather dust on a mantle. Maybe to spread them down in California, a place I remember visiting as a child. My husband said, "Why not Arizona? That's where a lot of your family is." I said I just didn't know. He wants his ashes spread over the islands which are west of where we live.

Anyway, J had said that he went to a place (a building) once where all these dead people were. I looked at him and asked if he meant a mausoleum. He said he didn't know. He then asked what the area is called of a hospital that has all the dead people. I told him that was a morgue.

Meanwhile, my husband started getting gross in his explanation of something else and since it was dinner, I made him stop. We were eating chicken and he was talking about rotting flesh and stuff. Ewww!

Well, that's basically what we talked about at dinner and I don't know if it helped any, but at least we are very open and will talk about pretty much anything with the kids.

Quote for the day

I couldn't resist posting this which I saw on the parent-teacher organization's web site for my kids' school:

Children seldom misquote. In
fact, they usually repeat word
for word
what you shouldn't
have said.
- Author Unknown

"Why boys need parents"

I got this in an e-mail from my aunt. I don't know who wrote it, so I can't give proper credit. It is just too good to keep to myself.

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It
is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too
late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can't
walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response
time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.

A sissy girl

After dinner tonight, my youngest and I were sitting at the table playing a game - a homework assignment. He had a penny he had to flip and he had to write down if it was heads or tails. He was supposed to write a '1' if it landed on heads or tails. He decided to color in the box for 'tails' instead of writing a '1'. I gave him an eraser to use to erase the colored-in area and then write in a '1'. My fingers met with his and I noticed his nails were long AGAIN. I just clipped them! I asked him why his nails were long already and he said, "Because I'm a sissy girl." I laughed and laughed! My older son, who was sitting in the living room, burst out laughing also. Then my youngest, the one who said he was a sissy girl, said "I am a sissy girl who does the cha-cha." That is a line from the movie 'Bruce Almighty.' My boys LOVE that movie! Immediately after he had said all this, I just *had* to get online and blog it!

Soccer

Last night when my husband and oldest son (11) came home from soccer practice, my husband quietly told me that he will not attend any more practices or games since our son yelled at him and told him not to talk to him during practice. It made no sense to me, so I asked him to expand on that. Apparently my husband was encouraging J to kick and dribble the ball, but J took offense or something and got mad. J told his dad not to holler or yell (that's not what he was doing) at him during games and/or practice. My husband got mad and that was the end of it.

Now I'm stuck attending all the practices and all the games... without my husband. I go normally, but it's nice to have someone to watch with. I told J last night at bedtime how hurt his dad was about all this and that he should really think about what he is saying to his dad and to be respectful of him. I said that his dad really enjoyed the practices and the games, but now he doesn't want to go because he's afraid if he says something, J will get angry with him.

Kids are not little adults. They don't think like we do and don't understand when adults take what they say in a different way than intended. I explained this to my husband but he was just too angry to let it sink in.

I hope that with a couple days of a cooling-off period that this blows over.

The hoodie came back

Yes, my friends, the hoodie did come back just in time for that kid to go to scouts! He also remembered to bring home the one he wore and forgot in the classroom. Now we have all coats/hoodies accounted for. Just in time for the rains. A storm is a'brewin out on the coast and headed inland!