Can he just get it together already??

You know, it is so hard raising a child who does not care one iota if his grades are poor. Hubby and I can talk to him until we are blue in the face and it doesn't faze him one bit. J turned 13 and his lazy attitude towards school is taking its toll on his dad and I.

J has three Honors classes this year, in 7th grade, and he's pretty much doing poorly in all of them. The only class he is getting an 'A' in is Computer Keyboarding. He has Math (which he claims is his favorite subject), Literacy/Reading (which I know he dislikes), World History (an Honors class), Language Arts (another Honors class), and Life Science (Honors, yet again). Before J started 7th grade, he had to be screened (he took a test at the school district's main office in town) along with a few dozen other kids. Only so many made it into the Honors program, and J was one of them. We did ask him, before he took the test, if he really and truly wanted to be in the program. His answer was, "Yes." In order to stay in the program, the grades for Honors classes can fall no lower than B-. He's averaging C's and D's.

What really gets me is that J doesn't give his all. He doesn't try. He'd rather do as little as he can to get by. This annoys the heck (for lack of a better word) out of me and my husband. I don't know if it's something that comes from his earlier childhood (before we brought him into our home) or what. He'd much rather play board games or torment his little brother than do any sort of school work.

This morning as hubby was looking in the boys' rooms for cleanliness (or lack thereof), he saw J's school notebook sitting in his room. Bad sign. J needs that book for all his classes. Since the notebook was here at home, we decided to look through it to see if J was following through on his promise to keep it organized - all papers in place and in their proper folders, sorted by subject. We found a Math assignment in the folder for Reading; graded papers which showed J's lack of knowledge and/or preparedness of the subject; scribbled pages; doodled papers. I know he has ADD, but he does take meds. He was recently re-evaluated and the meds do seem to be doing the trick as far as keeping him less hyper and loud, and he can stay on task when it's something he really enjoys.

The kids get out early all this week because of parent-teacher conferences. We already saw K's teacher, so today it's time to visit J's teachers. Sadly, I have to work and will be home when the kids get home, but hubby will go to the middle school and talk with all J's teachers and maybe get some advice or opinions on how to get J more focused on school.

Part of me wants to let J fail and fall deep into the pit he's been digging for himself. Part of me wants him to do that and then figure out how to get out. Another part of me wants to see him figure it out and turn himself around and be a good student. Sometimes I think a boot camp is the place for him. I don't know. Hubby and I have had numerous discussions on the topic of J's grades and lack of wanting to do well. We've taken away privileges (no Nintendo DS, no cell phone, no Wii playing) and it just doesn't seem to matter to J. We are at the point where we might put a lock on the game closet (where all the board games are), but that's not fair to K. It doesn't seem to matter to J that he doesn't have these things anymore. That's what is so irritating! What will it take for him to change his attitude? I have no idea.

Awwwwww!!

Last night as I was driving K home from choir practice at church, I mentioned to him that next week his dad would have to take him to choir practice because I would not be able to. He asked why not, and I answered by saying that I would be out of town. He asked where I was going and I reminded him that I would be in Arizona. He sadly said, "Oh." He then asked, "How long are you gonna be gone?" I replied, "Just a few days." Again, he sounded so sad and he said, "Oh." I reassured him by saying, "I'm coming back. I am not leaving you forever. I will only be gone for about five days." He said, "Oh." I then told him that I would call him every day. His voice sounded surprised and he asked, "You can??" I said, "Sure I can! I can talk to you every day." He replied with a very happy "Ok!" The sadness he originally had in his voice broke my heart. I had to cheer him up. It was a total "aww" moment.

During choir practice, there were try-outs for various parts of the musical that the kids are putting on in June. K tried out for a couple parts and totally flubbed the first two tries on one part, but the third time he did it perfectly. I was so proud of him! However, when he came to sit down by me after he was finished, he was totally down in the dumps. He said, "I want to quit Praise & Company." I said, "Why? You have fun doing it, don't you?" He said, "Yeah, but I messed up and I feel stupid." I told him this: "This is your very first time trying out for something and it's normal to mess up. I am proud of you for even trying. You did just fine." He looked sad and miserable and said, "I just think I should quit." I said, "You won't know if you got any of the parts you tried out for if you just quit. Keep trying. You are doing just fine." I put my arm around him and he snuggled close and I kept telling him how proud I was of him. He seemed to forget his disappointment in himself and was able to go on with the choir practice when the try-outs were done.

This morning, hubby and I went to K's school to watch him get a Cougar Pride Certificate during an assembly. The certificates are awarded to students who have shown major improvement in school. Well, K got an award for listening to directions and basically being a good kid this past week and guess what? It has to do with him being on ADHD meds. He had his first full week of them last week and his good behavior got him an award. When the assembly was over, K came up to hubby and me and said, "This is weird. Every time you or dad come to the Cougar Pride assembly, I get an award. When you don't come, I don't get an award. You bring me good luck!" Cute!!!! The school mails out a letter to the parents in advance, letting them know their child will receive an award and informing them to attend the assembly. I'm not about to let K in on that secret!

The New Food Pyramid, Kid Style

The other day, J was in the kitchen while his dad and I prepared dinner. J said, "We should follow the food pyramid and make meals using food in it." I said, "WE?? Who's this WE you speak of? You never help with dinner." I don't recall what he said after that, but I added, "Dad and I always consider nutrition when we make all meals. You always have the right kinds of foods." J said something about the food pyramid again and how it had vegetables and things on it, and I reminded him that he gets those daily. I then said, "Well, if you are so set on abiding by the food pyramid, then we won't buy any more Pop Tarts and Fruit Loops and things like that." You should have heard the sound that came forth from his mouth!! He'll be 13 next month, but the high-pitched "NO!" that came out sounded quite girlish! He didn't really have anything else to say after that as I think he realized that whatever plan he was trying to devise had backfired on him.

This morning as I was working away, K came downstairs and asked if he could have breakfast at home and at school. He said he wanted a Pop Tart (at home) because he knew I wanted to get rid of them in order to follow the food pyramid. I told him that he shouldn't eat a Pop Tart "just because I wanted to get rid of them" and he didn't say anything - he just went back upstairs.

When I went upstairs to get a refill of coffee, I saw K sitting at the table, eating a Pop Tart. I said, "Oh, I see you decided to have one anyway." He simply said, "Yep." I said, "Okay then, there won't be anymore after this box is empty. Since J wants to go by the food pyramid, I'm not buying that stuff anymore." He said, "That's okay, because we'll use the other side of the pyramid that has the candy and stuff." HAHAHA!!! I said, "Sorry, kid, there is no such thing!"

Let's see if they can behave

This is a test. This is a test of the children-upstairs-with-no-adult-around system.

Husband is out getting a cup of coffee. I am downstairs in my home office, working. Yes, I'm typing on my blog, but that's only because my work PC is dragging today for some reason. So, here I type.

Upstairs, I hear complete mayhem. I have two boys up there who have awoken from their deep slumbers (oh how I wish they were still slumbering!) and are running amok upstairs. The younger one came down about an hour ago and asked if he could have his candy for breakfast. Like he thought I might miraculously say "Yes" ???? Of course not! He asked if he could watch t.v. and I said he could. Now I hear the older one, who obviously has not taken his meds, and he is VERY loud and I hear thumping and running.

Those kids know, at least I have told them many times, that when I am downstairs at work they should be quiet. This is not happening. They are noisy. I can be mean and tell them to go to their rooms, but why disrupt my own work time? Well, actually, it's disrupted already because I'm telling YOU about it!

J is 12, almost 13, and his dad has told him he is old enough to administer his own meds for his ADD. It is apparent that J has not taken his meds this morning.

THUD! I am totally amazed the ceiling isn't caving in now and a child isn't falling through it. I guess it's time I go see what is going on. So much for a quiet morning at work.

Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lolli pop

Yesterday at school, 7-year-old K's 2nd-grade class had their Valentine's Day party. K had made his own Valentines the night before. He cut out hearts from pink and red sheets of construction paper and wrote little messages for each classmate. Some of the hearts resembled blobs, however, and he did get a little irritated and flustered so I offered to help. I was happy that he started the project on his own though.

When K came home from school, he asked if he could have some candy from the party. I said yes as he could use that as his after-school snack. He went to the dining room table and I went downstairs to finish work up for the day. When I went back upstairs, I heard a noise coming from the table that sounded like CRACK, CRUNCH, and possibly teeth breaking, but it was K who had bit right into the middle of a Blow Pop. I walked over and looked at what he was holding in his hand. The Blow Pop was severed in two - one giant chunk in his mouth and the remainder on the stick. I told him that to eat a Blow Pop means to suck it or lick it - not to just bite right on into it! I had him spit into my hand what was in his mouth (the gum!!!) and I took the stick and what was on it away and pitched it all into the trash.

I actually told K that he doesn't have proper candy etiquette. Oh dear... yes, I actually said that! Like he knew what that meant. Well, I went on to explain that suckers, lollipops, Tootsie Pops, Dum Dums, Blow Pops, and candy on a stick like that are meant to be sucked or licked. You suck and lick and then when the thing in the middle appears, be it a gum blob or a tootsie roll blob, THEN you can bite into it and get it off the stick. I told him that with a Blow Pop, especially, you suck it and lick it and THEN you get to the gum which is kind of like the prize. You then can bite the gum off the stick and chew it a while.

With K, gum is candy. You unwrap it, chew it, throw it out. The real problem is when there is a lot of it, such as a pack of gum or a bowl of Halloween candy with a large amount of individually-wrapped bubble gum pieces. He gets over-excited at the sight of it all and in his head, the gum will be eaten just like candy. He unwraps a piece, puts it in his mouth, chews it for maybe 60 seconds, spits it out, unwraps a piece, puts it in his mouth, chew it for maybe 60 seconds, spits it out, unwraps a piece, you get the idea. If I let this go on, I would buy stock in the Wrigley Corporation!

The Blow Pop never had a chance. In fact, there is one left that I took away yesterday. K asked if he could have it back and I said, "If you eat it the right way." I think yesterday, when he was eating the other one, that he was in 'the zone' of candy eating and just didn't think far enough in advance as to what he would do with a mouth full of gum when he still had half a Blow Pop in his hand.

The door has returned

I certainly thought the door would be gone a while because K actually said he didn't mind it being gone, and hubby liked it gone so that K would sleep through the night instead of playing. Hubby decided to put the door back on after a fight over K'nex toys between both boys.

Yesterday afternoon, K was happily playing with his K'nex and was building what looked like the Mars rover/lander/whatever that car-thing was on Mars. J happened to be bored with whatever he was doing in his own room and walked right on into K's room and started building something with the K'nex. Apparently he had taken a piece that K wanted and they started arguing. K came out to the living room where hubby and I were and explained the situation. I just didn't really have any good advice as I was burnt out from a full day of work. I just looked at him and said, "I can just as easily take all the K'nex away and then you won't be able to play with them. You two should be able to work this out for yourselves." Hmm...

Not five minutes later, hubby and I heard K yelling at J to get out of his room and that he wanted to play by himself. It was a constant thing, "Get out of my room!!" Obviously J couldn't care less and continued to play. K continued, more loudly this time, "GET.OUT.OF.MY.ROOM!" Still J continued to play. Hubby hollered down the hall, "J, get out of his room and go do something else." Suddenly, we heard K bawling (he was in full-out pain, obviously) and hubby hollered for J to come into the living room. J came along and said that K had stood up right where J was stepping and that he 'accidentally' kicked K. Hubby had J do a strong sit by the living room windows. J was trying to state he was innocent and it was an accident but we didn't believe him because of his track record with hurting K.

I got up off the couch and went into K's room to see if he was ok. He said that J had kicked him in the gut. Now, if J had just been casually walking out of K's room, how in the world would he have been able to kick K in the gut? Something's fishy here. He would have had to kick high. Maybe K was still on the ground, playing, when J kicked him. Their stories don't jive.

Anyway, the door is back on. J thinks he is in the clear and not in any bit of trouble, but the truth is that hubby is still very angry about the whole thing. K is only 7 and J is almost 13 with a slight anger-management problem. Whenever they have a disagreement, K gets hurt. Maybe it's just that way with boys. I don't know - I just have a sister and I don't remember acting that way.

The doorless wonder

K got his door taken away on Saturday night. I warned him that if he (or the neighbor kids who were there at the time) slammed the door or threw things at the door over and over (which had been happening) that the door would go away. Well, you guessed it - the door got removed and has not been returned.

This is not unusual in our house, you see, as we have done this before with both boys. They have learned that if they throw something at their door, shove something up against the door so no one can come in, or slam the door, the door will be taken off the hinges.

I thought maybe, by now, it would be time to put K's door back on, but my hubby thought it should stay off for a little bit longer. I asked why and he said that K had not been playing in his room at night. He tends to do that quite a bit. He has toys with a light source (Spy Gear binoculars and a light-bright thing for coloring) and he uses those to see and or to play with when he should be sleeping.

I guess we'll let it go for a little longer. I do wish his door was back in place so the poor kid could have privacy and also so he won't be hearing house noises (voices, t.v. volume) while he's supposed to be sleeping. We'll see how it goes.